disparu

my left eye is still crooked since the surgery
my right eye doesn't see the good anymore
and when I met you behind the pine tree
I saw everything then nothing

how he yelled and screamed with his heart
but didn't say a word from his mouth
and walking out those doors was liberating
and telling her she needed to change was, too
and the second time I read that poem didn't hit me as hard as the first
but it hit me like 3:33
and it hit me like the wall my dad punched
and it hit me like grandpas last dying breath
in and out and
gone.

you can't force those words to come out of your coffee stained teeth
and you can't love someone who isn't real
but you can love someone with a black heart
because god only knows why it's black
and you did it to yourself
just like he did too.

mom loves you and dad hates you
and your car always needs to be fixed.
your brakes didn't stop you from running that stop sign
but the dead baby in the road did
and forgiveness was always the answer but never the question

because that baby is bleeding out the blood that left your heart years ago
and not even a stolen life can get it back

not all the stars in the sky or all the 11:11 wishes you made
and your mom and dad can't save you
because the tide will come in
and soon they will be gone, too

and paris will be the only thing left.