first love

the last few days of may. 

we were in the back seat of your "vintage" volvo. 

I was lying there in your arms giggling at what you said. 

and you. you couldn't stop kissing me.

you pushed my hair behind my ear as you talked about politics. politics would always bore me but for you, I would listen. 

some old rap song was playing over our conversation. 

in that moment, it was just me and you. only me and you. 

the way you looked at me.

the way your eyes fluttered just as you were about to lean in for another kiss. the way you smiled at everything I said. I couldn't help but wonder if you would ever take me seriously. the smell of the campfire on your clothes. like the memory we just made was lingering for a little longer. the way your smile put me in a trance. the way the new summer air felt on my skin. the way your hand felt intertwined in mine. it was so perfect. so real. and for the first time in a long time, I felt alive again. 

we drove down that canyon road like it was ours. you held my hand as you shifted gears, I always loved that about you. you knew my favorite song and you played it on repeat. I remember looking at you and in that instant, I knew. I knew that all I wanted, was you. I knew that maybe our love might have a chance. I knew that you meant it when you said "I love you".

first love. maybe it's not love but it sure feels like it. do I even know what love feels like? I think it feels the way those perfect moments do. at least that's how it should feel. 

 

love. you saved me.