I wonder

january has come around again
and I am reminded of
how hard it is

to forget you.

this months brings a certain feeling with it
the snow so white and pure
but bitterly cold to the touch
it creates an aching nostalgia
painful and sweet.
makes me think january will never feel the same

again.

letting go is difficult to do
when I can still feel pieces of you inside of me
telling me you haven't let go, either.

I'd like to think
you still think
about me.

especially when the snow falls.

especially when you're on that mountain.

but I know my mind has romanticized you far too much.

It's still so hard to see you
but I hope you are doing well.

I think about the last time
I saw you
and the time before that
and the times you called me

to apologize. but you could never follow through.

I have him now. And I love him.

But I still wonder

maybe I'm meant to wonder
never to know what we would be
because I know how it feels when you touch me
I know your voice the moment I hear it.
but I never knew you the way I wanted to.

your weird quirks
every single facial expression
the lines that trace your body
the thoughts that occupy your mind
how it feels to truly know you

how it feels to truly love you, and be loved by you.

maybe I was never meant to know your love

....

I know I'm supposed to let you go
but honey,
you make poetry flow out of me like no one else.

I just need one call.
one moment.
one coincidence of our souls seeing the longing in each other.
running right into each other

god I just wonder.

...and I hope you read this.